Day 17: On job applications for roles you know you won't get...
Dear PR Hackers,
So, it turns out I'm now a 'Content Hacker'. That's a bit of a thing to find out at 33, on an idle Tuesday and after having been called pretty much everything else in the writing space (Including some pretty graphic stuff as befits my savage Celtic heritage)
Aside from that new identity crisis, (Thanks for that) I'm interested to know if there's a Content Hacking dress code? Would I have to wear roller blades, leather and sneakers like a 90's style hacker and get 'Access Denied' tattooed somewhere unpleasant in big red Helvetica letters? I hope not. I'm, at best, a mediocre roller blader (An inner ear thing) and threw my clip-on shades into the sea after the release of the Matrix sequels, so I'm not prepared.
What I am is a skilled, and I mean skilled writer polymath with a long rap sheet in content creation, film, tv, journalism, marketing and even touches of finance. I've been a commission hound (Or basically a scantly clad literary whore to the highest bidder) for around ten years and in that time have worked on everything from Hollywood movies to Education Policy papers for the government of France.
My first international news bi-line was about a kangaroo who saved his owner when he fell down a well - A kind of antipodean Lassie and cautionary tale about only having animals as friends.
The duties of a content hacker seem to be very much in my wheel house - which leads me to suspect I may in fact have been one all along and not known it. (That makes Content Hacking sound like an STI and that wasn't my intention... well, not to begin with.)
It has often been remarked that my brain is particularly stormy... positively tempestuous as a matter of fact... Craft and business proposals are my Kaptain Krunch - routinely eaten for breakfast with a side of collaborative working (For health reasons and as part of a balanced daily output of ass kicking.)
Video scripts... I've been a university lecturer in screenwriting for six years teaching in London and Amsterdam at a world top fifty school. I've also been professionally involved in film and TV for seven years and have a 2016 Hollywood feature film credit for producing and script editing on a Warner Brothers movie.
I'm usually the client facing guy. I'm British so have skills that include sounding more intelligent than I actually am because of my accent (Though I am a Scot so may cry FREEDOM for inexplicable reasons during client consultations. Normally the clients join in, we behead some English knights and liberate Scotland if the coffee is strong enough)
I blog. Mainly when I'm angry about the world which is, right now, always... You can read my blogs. Feel free to ignore the ones where I geek out about tennis. It's not a weird obsession or anything, but just know that I would leave both this position and my girlfriend if Roger Federer ever returned one of my many letters. We'd live in Switzerland, eat cheese and mend cuckoo clocks. In the winter, we'd ski, or rather, Roger would. I'd sit on a rocking chair on the edge of an Alp and practice 'graciously integrating feedback' until the blood fire of criticism of my genius slowly seeped from my veins into the cool mountain rock below me...
And I would be, once again, at peace...
In that spirit, I'll summarise the fact that I meet pretty much the whole person specification and a good number of the bonus requirements. Those I don't, I'm likely to cram beforehand so that I can say clever technical-sounding things out of context in an interview which is liable to be extremely awkward for both me and you.
I will mention the vocal abilities. As a European I have an enhanced concept of the wider world in any case and my claim to fame is having contributed my voice to the recognition system of Xbox live. This is probably the reason British people yell at their Xboxes in a blind rage as they defy even their most basic instruction.
So I put it in your court and in this, I guess we'll see how 'Hacker' you guys are. Hire American, which is, let's be honest, a vote for your current President, or work with a fresh off the boat, tennis obsessed, multi-disciplinary, oddly-forward-in-applications British guy who could be deported by storm troopers in red Trump caps and dungarees at any moment? I'm not sure which choice is more 'Hacker', but I know which one is more Rock n' Roll.
I'll leave you with that.